Saturday, 21 May 2011

Dear Diary - Day Three as a Care Giver in England

May 19th, 2011
This time round I approached the stair lift chair with a mission early this morning. Operation how to take the break off”…Aha! I found it and now I can swivel the chair around with just enough room to squeeze by and ascend the stairs. Phew, what a relief as I did not want to face that form of early morning stretching at the beginning of my day for three weeks.
But I have to admit I was somewhat perturbed that I could not figure how to put the break back on once I’d returned the chair back to its original position.
I had visions of Joan spinning around and howling like the girl in scenes from “The Exorcist” and then falling head first down the stairs.
Fortunately that did not happen and she presented herself promptly at 8 am, looked to see that her newspaper was where it should be, (neatly folded without any creases of course) and waited for me to appear with her breakfast tray, which I duly did with military precision.
“Morning Joan, beautiful day today”
“If you say so”, responded my Lady and with a professional flick of her wrist, she flicked her serviette out onto her lap and tucked into her brekkie…
I guess I had been duly dismissed to go upstairs and make her bed military style, - proper hospital corners and everything at right angles. Window open to get rid of the night must.
Tickety-boo, wot?
Gosh, I hadn’t realised that I’d make such a great Batman!
Then I encountered a smell, a dreadful smell…
Like a bloodhound, I followed my nose and I found the culprit in the airing cupboard. Surgical gloves out, I nabbed and bagged the stinky offender and removed it, and dealt with it professionally.
Human waste removed from knickers, popped 90ยบ full wash on full auto on the washing machine and the offending ponk had all but gone.
Care Givers of the world, Nurses, Companions…I bow to you and offer humble salaams…WE are the champions of the World!
The shower was not working and it appears that it has not for a long time.
So the local plumber was called in and cleaned so much lime scale build up that the shower head had more than a cup full removed from it.
Perhaps this will encourage my employer to give herself a bit of a daily scrub!
Mind you, if I had to slide myself onto the chair contraption that is perched over the bath, I may be reluctant to bath…it has a plastic chair that can be levered up and down and swung side to side.
In fact I think it would do pretty well in an amusement park.
Isn’t it ironic, we are born into the world and have to be pushed around in things with wheels, shoved into bouncy chairs that swing around and immersed into special baths.
Then when we are in the golden years of our lives, we go out of this world doing the same thing.
I think the “Big Dude” has a strange sense of humour…